KINGDOM OF HEAVEN - Jesus Christ is "saddened and disappointed" in this week's widespread protests against Kings, according to multiple sources who requested to remain anonymous fearing lifelong damnation in Hell.
Christ had long been planning a return to Earth, where he would ditch the humility of his first term and adopt a "glory and power" agenda as King of Heaven and all of creation. But faced with sizable protests around the globe unified against the idea of any king, Christ is having second thoughts about his second coming.
According to one source, "Jesus wanted his return to be seen as a positive. Now he's not so sure."
Christ had an ambitious plan for his reign as King on Earth that included overcoming all evil and judging humanity, a process that would sentence all wicked people to eternal punishment. Free of evil, the world would then enjoy eternal justice, peace, and, according to one source, "righteousness". But all those plans may be delayed, if not cancelled entirely.
Said one source, "it's a major commitment to be resurrected. Christ would really be putting Himself out there. He doesn't want to be embarrassed by crowds of people booing. He knows how that ends and it ain't pretty."
Said one high ranking member of the Church, "his plan doesn't really work if all people don't recognize him as the King of king and Lord of lords. The whole thing just loses steam."
Meanwhile, over 2,600 "No Kings" protests are taking place nationwide, with events in all 50 states. Participation is expected to be in the millions.
According to one disappointed Church official, "I hope they're happy when they find out they chased away Jesus. We were really looking forward to peace on Earth."