WASHINGTON, D.C. - Answering calls for U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officers to stop wearing masks hiding their identity when making their arrests, Acting Director Todd M. Lyons admitted today the masks are worn to prevent a “visual assault on the citizens of our nation”. Apparently a “significant portion” of field agents seen on camera apprehending illegal immigrants are “objectively ugly” and, “no one needs to see their off-putting, sometimes shockingly unattractive faces”.
According to Lyons, the fact all agents wear masks is an act of solidarity among ICE agents: “When they looked around and saw how hideous many of them were to look at, the decision was made — easily, I’m told — that they would all hide their faces.”
According to Lyons, the fact all agents wear masks is an act of solidarity among ICE agents: “When they looked around and saw how hideous many of them were to look at, the decision was made — easily, I’m told — that they would all hide their faces.”
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This year, ICE has made tens of thousands of arrests as part of the Trump Administration’s promise to deport illegal immigrants. But the fact these arrests are being made by masked gunman has disturbed those who have an idealized vision of what living in America means.
Stephen Miller, President Trump’s Homeland Security Advisor, brushed away these concerns: “Is there a constitutional issue here because masked law enforcement gets in the way of due process and accountability and encourages abuse of power? Of course - if its against legal citizens. We’re talking about abusing the rights of illegal people. Get your facts straight.”
Previously, Tricia McLaughlin, a spokeswoman for the Department of Homeland Security, claimed federal agents were masked “for their own safety”, since they were “putting their lives on the line every day to arrest violent criminal illegal aliens”. But this argument fell flat when ICE was recorded arresting a mother and her three children at Old McDonald’s Farm in Upstate New York. Or when they apprehended eight dairy farmers in Vermont.
Said McLaughlin when confronted with these non-violent incidents, “well, there might be other reasons they were the masks. Let’s just say the American people should be very glad the masks are there.”
Currently there are just over 20,000 ICE agents working in the United States. If these new claims of ugliness are correct, it could mean over 10,000 of the agents have faces so unappealing they would cause physical and emotional distress to the average American and are better off covered.
It’s unlikely such a large percentage of any workforce would be objectively ugly, prompting reporters to ask if this was part of the hiring process. According to Acting Director Lyons, who looked away with sadness, “no, that’s just how the cookie crumbled.”
Does this new admission mean ICE agents might lose the masks and let American citizens see their faces? Said Lyons, “Trust me. We come out without masks, first thing you’ll do is say please, put them back on.”